I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
