the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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