That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
