If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
