Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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