I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
