I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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