youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
