This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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