White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Found the puke drawer
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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