After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
