i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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