You're completely useless in the revolution.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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