i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
