is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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