i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
