The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
