i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
