I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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