Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
