he puts the penis in happiness.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
