he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
