I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
