Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Randomize
