my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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