There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
