If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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