break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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