um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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