he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
