so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
