Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
