I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
