all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
