**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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