the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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