You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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