The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize