you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
