are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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