maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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