why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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