the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
