I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
