We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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