Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
