There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
