the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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