My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
