what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
