You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
