can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
