Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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