i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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