i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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