You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
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He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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