Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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