Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
