I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I didn't notice because vodka
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
