Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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