she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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