I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
