dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
