So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
