Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think my vagina is haunted
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
