Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
