dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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