I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
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He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
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I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media