He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP