Im at strip club and am horny
i just had sex bonerless
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.