my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
