Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
