how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
