She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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