I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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