LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
