Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
