I puked a lego.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
