I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
