I am spending my child support on dildos
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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